Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize