: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
