i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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