come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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