i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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