the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
