Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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