you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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