i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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