i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
