omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
