I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
