When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Randomize
