Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
