I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
