I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
