ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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