I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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