I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
