please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
