Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
