i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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