a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Randomize
