I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
