Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
