life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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