i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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