if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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