His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
