One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
