What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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