she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
