is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
