On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
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