I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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