Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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