Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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