So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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