He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize