ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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