the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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