walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
