At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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