this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
