By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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