it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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