Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
