I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
this beer tastes like vomit already
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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