I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize