She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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