my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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