I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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