oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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