I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
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