Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
