The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
The air taste purple.
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