Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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