You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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