Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
