thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
