this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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