'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
There's always time for handjobs
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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