Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize