it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
