I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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