i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize