Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
