There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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