So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
You ruined the universe
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
