whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize
