Christians are straight up FREAKS
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize