I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
i need some magic done to my vagina
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