i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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