Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Randomize
