woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
