the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
