We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
