do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
