i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
