she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
