True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
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