Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
