how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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