is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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