I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
