I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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