you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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