He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
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