Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Randomize
