In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
He felt like a one man threesome
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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