smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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