You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
