We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize
