If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
