Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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