So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
