My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
