if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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