I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
