Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Randomize
