How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
