"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
