Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize