But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Sext me about skeletons
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize