Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
