All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
